The Crooked Road
by TheWanderingMiko
Summary: It's the day of Helga and Arnold's graduation...
1. Say Goodbye

It had been a long time since she'd been in elementary school, so much had happened between now and elementary school it was hard to remember exactly what it was that she'd loved about Wolfgang when she'd started dating him. Maybe it was because there never really had been anything that she'd loved about him; he'd just been the only one that had never asked questions. He'd accepted her as broken as she was and did his best to protect her from the family that didn't love her despite the outcries from his friends. No, she hadn't loved him, not like she'd loved Arnold; not like she still did.

Arnold had always been there for her until…

_You don't know me…_

Biting her lip, she curled herself tighter into the corner of the stoop of the old elementary school as the rain poured down.

_Like you knew me_

_You stopped listening_

_The moment that I needed you the most…_

People walked by with their umbrellas, none of them glancing to the lost little eighteen year-old huddled on the small enclosure. Why did it hurt so badly?

_You can't see me_

_Like you saw me_

_Truth comes easy_

_But it's hard for you to pull me from the ground_

The rain dripping from the ceiling of the overhang, landing in a puddle only a few inches from her; Arnold was at home with his grandparents getting ready for graduation that evening; her cap and gown was at home, hung safe in her closet after she'd found her sister trying to "spruce it up"

_So I scream, scream cause it hurts_

_Your every word_

_Cuts me inside and leaves me worse_

_There's no way back_

_And what if there was_

_You'd still be you and_

_I'd still need to say goodbye_

He was probably standing in front of that mirror in his grandparent's rumpus room, looking over the long black gown that they'd all received, the silver tassel that all the boys had received pulled to the side and out of his eyes. She'd never told him, not really, sure she'd had plenty of chances but she'd never taken them, not once. Maybe it was for the best, she really wasn't what was best for him, she was broken in too many ways to be fixed. He didn't deserve the chore of gluing her back together.

_Maybe you don't_

_Love me_

_Like I love you baby_

_Cause the broken in you doesn't make me run_

But even so she wanted to tell him, wished that at some point she had been brave enough to tell, brave enough to face his rejection to tell him how much he meant to her, how much that he'd been the one to hold her up. Many times he'd been the only one to hold her up when her world had come crashing down; so many, many times her love for him had been the only thing that had gotten her out of bed in the morning. He'd come into her world and had lit up all the dark places for a brief shining moment.

_There is beauty_

_In the dark side_

_I'm not frightened_

_Without it I could never feel the sun_

"Hey Helga! Come on! I'll drive you home!", the bully looked up; it was Wolfgang, hanging out of the window of his twice repossessed car, smiling at her the way he always did when he knew she wasn't okay. Forcing herself up, she hurried across the sidewalk and got into the car.

"What on earth were you doing out there?", he asked, Helga gave him her best smile.

"I was just thinking", she said softly before turning her gaze out the window.

_So I scream, scream cause it hurts_

_Your every word_

_Cuts me inside and leaves me worse_

_There's no way back_

_And what if there was_

_You'd still be you and_

_I'd still need to say goodbye_

She stood in front of the mirror, staring at the strange girl in the mirror, the one that looked happy, in her black graduation robe and her cap with a golden tassel that matched the rest of the girls' in the class. When had this person been replaced with the current version of her? Two arms wrapped around her waist and she forced a smile as Wolfgang hugged her close.

"You look beautiful", he whispered into her ear, kissing her cheek.

"Yeah…"

_Nothing will ever change no matter what you say_

_I'm still gonna be the same_

_The harder we try, the harder that we fight, can't get it right_

The principal stood at the podium, calling up the seniors one by one, Helga sat with Phoebe, wringing her fingers as she listened to each name. Arnold was only a couple rows in front of her, he was sitting with Gerald; handsome as ever in his gown, his cap only obstructing her view a little bit.

"Helga are you alright?", Phoebe asked, leaning over slightly; Helga nodded quickly, mumbling that she was fine, only a little nervous. Arnold was called and her breath hitched as she watched him stand and make his way to the stage to accept his diploma.

"Helga Pataki", her name was called next and she stood, wading her way through the row of other students and heading up to the stage.

Taking a deep breath she ascended the steps of the stage and accepted the diploma, shaking the principal's hand as she glanced where her family would have been sitting on the bleachers. Wolfgang was smiling at her with his mother and grandmother who both adored her; they were no doubt proud of her…but her own family was nowhere to be found.

Feeling the tears well up inside her, she nodded in thanks to the principal and hurried off stage and out the door behind the stage. Once she was outside the door she caught herself on the wall and sobbed, tears running down her cheeks and smearing the little bit of makeup that Wolfgang's mother had put on her.

_So I scream, scream cause it hurts_

_Your every word_

_Cuts me inside and leaves me worse_

_There's no way back_

_And what if there was_

_You'd still be you and_

_I'd still need to say goodbye_

She was pulled against a chest and hugged tight, it was probably Wolfgang, but at the moment she didn't really care who it was, she just held onto them, sobbing into their chest. Everything was crashing down around her; graduation was here, Arnold was going to be gone and her family didn't care about her.

"Helga, what's wrong?", a voice asked; it didn't sound like Wolfgang.

"Everything…", she whimpered against the chest, "my family didn't come to my graduation and Arnold is going to be gone and I never-" a hand petted through her hair and the chest pulled away. Arnold smiled down at her gently; she wrenched away from him. "Arnold?!"

He gave her a smile and reached a hand out, wiping away the tears that were left on her cheek before slipping a note into her hand.

Helga opened her mouth to say something but she was cut off by the door to the auditorium opening; she looked up to see Wolfgang standing there.

"Oh, there you are, Mom was worried about you", she smiled at him and stood.

"Sorry", she said gently; taking his hand before turning back to Arnold.

_Say goodbye.. Say goodbye.. Say goodbye_

"Goodbye Arnold"

--

Arnold forced a smile as he watched her leave with Wolfgang, the older male's arm around the girl's shoulders.

"Good bye Helga…"


	2. Give Me A Sign

It's amazing what a friend a kitchen table can be. Throughout Arnold's entire life, the kitchen table that sat as it had forever in the dining room of the boarding house, had been there; a constant friend when others had slipped away. Now as he sat there, his head down as he looked at his graduation cap that was ever so slightly out of focus due to the short distance between it and his eyes; he thought about another constant in his life…or at least what he had always assumed to be a constant, something he'd taken for granted.

_Dead star shine_

_Light up the sky_

_I'm all out of breath_

_My walls are closing in_

Helga had always been in his life, as far back as he could remember; well maybe not all the way back but for all of his way through school she'd been there. She'd been a bully, a tyrant even; many times he'd just wished that she would leave him alone, but for weeks now, since a little before graduation he'd begun to realize something. He would miss Helga.

_Days go by_

_Give me a sign_

_Come back to the end_

_The shepherd of the damned_

He'd watched her accept her diploma and shake the principal's hand with that beautiful smile that she tried so hard to hide; but he'd also watched as she'd scanned her gaze over the crowd and that smile had fallen marginally. Not enough to alert those that didn't know her, but he'd known, he'd been able to see the glue that held her together start to dissolve and he'd watched her as she slowly hurried off the stage, and ran out the back exit.

_I can feel you falling away_

_No longer the lost_

_No longer the same_

Instinctively he'd followed her only to find her half fallen to the floor, sobbing against the wall; her long golden hair that he could remember being tied into pig tails when she was younger hanging free and falling down her back. She'd been so pitiful, falling to pieces before his eyes without knowing that he was there. He'd wrapped her into his arms and hugged her tight, asking her what was wrong even though it really wasn't any of his business.

_And I can see you_

_starting to break_

_I'll keep you alive_

_If you show me the way_

"Everything…", she'd said into his chest, "my family didn't come to my graduation and Arnold is going to be gone and I never-" His breath had hitched slightly when she'd said his name and it was all he could do to force a smile when he stroked a hand through her hair a hand petted through her hair and pulled away from her.

The look in her eyes said that she hadn't known that it had been him and somehow that hurt, but he didn't let it show, this was for her, not him. He couldn't be selfish with her like he could with everyone else. He couldn't put his own feelings out there when he knew it wasn't fair to her. She'd wrenched away from him and he hadn't moved to stop her even though the lords above knew that he'd wanted to as she said his name.

_Forever - and ever_

_the scars_

_will remain_

Reaching he'd petted her cheek, wiping away the tears that still graced her cheeks, not wanting to see them there ever again. Digging into the pocket of his jeans under his graduation robe, he pulled out a note that he'd written her the night before; a note that he now wondered if it had been wise to give her. He'd pushed it into her hand; feeling his heart breaking as he'd done it.

She'd opened her mouth to say something but Wolfgang had appeared then and had taken her away leaving them both with nothing but parting words. Words that had been surprisingly hard to say.

_I'm falling apart_

_Leave me here_

_forever in the dark_

Pushing back from the table, Arnold left his cap where it sat as he left the room and headed up the stairs towards his bedroom. It was starting to sink in now, he would probably never see her again and it was that fact that hurt the most.

Closing the bedroom door behind him, he paced to his desk and sat down, looking at the crumpled paper balls that covered his desk, filled his trashcan and littered across his floor. All of them were attempts at writing that note to Helga; and now they were a cushion under his head as he laid it on the desk.

_Daylight dies_

_Blackout the sky_

_Does anyone care?_

_Is anybody there?_

"Arnold? Are you alright?", a hand pressed to his back as his grandmother bent down beside him; Arnold rolled his head slightly to face her. He couldn't answer her, his voice was stuck painfully in his throat and he was forced to physically lie to her by nodding. No he wasn't okay, but there was nothing that she could do, nothing that anyone could do. He forced a smile that he knew the old woman wouldn't buy as easily as his friends did.

Pulling away, his grandmother left, closing the door behind her; saying something about being in the kitchen if he needed to talk to her. But he wouldn't, he didn't need to talk about this, this was something that no amount of talking or trying would fix.

_Take this life_

_Empty inside_

_I'm already dead_

_I'll rise to fall again_

She was probably on her way home with Wolfgang, enjoying the graduation celebration that the older boy's family would put on for her; something that her own family should have done but he was sure they wouldn't. He could picture her, smiling and happy as she always was when she was with Wolfgang; a side of her that he never saw, one that she would never show him.

_I can feel you falling away_

_No longer the lost_

_No longer the same_

_And I can see you_

_starting to break_

_I'll keep you alive_

_If you show me the way_

_Forever - and ever_

_the scars will remain_

_I'm falling apart_

_Leave me here_

_forever in the dark_

Arnold closed his eyes, trying to fight the tears that were bubbling up inside him; his fists balled up in the effort. But it was a failed effort because even as he fought it, even as he slammed his fists against the top of his desk and tried to will himself not to give in. In the end however, he buried his head into his arms that had crossed over some of the free space on the desk and tried to pretend that he was okay.

_God help me I've come undone_

_Out of the light of the sun_

_God help me I've come undone_

_Out of the light of the sun_

He could picture her smiling face in his mind, a smile that would never be directed at him, one that he might never see again note or not. If he'd been young enough to believe in wishing, he would have wished, he would have begged for just one more day of school, to put off graduating for just one more day so that he could tell her, so that she could know she was important to him.

_I can feel you falling away_

_No longer the lost_

_No longer the same_

_And I can see you_

_starting to break_

_I'll keep you alive_

_If you show me the way_

_Forever - and ever_

_the scars will remain_

Phoebe had told him not too long ago that Helga loved him, that she'd always loved him; if she loved him why had she never told him after she'd taken it back so long ago? Why was she dating Wolfgang?

_Give me a sign_

_there's something_

_buried in the words_

_Give me a sign_

_Your tears are_

_adding to the flood_

There was something here that he was missing, something in this that he hadn't been told.

_Just give me a sign_

_there's something_

_buried in the words_

_Give me a sign_

_Your tears are_

_adding to the flood_

There was something that Helga had never said, something that he'd never been brave enough to ask her; something that he wasn't brave enough to say, even to himself.

_Just give me a sign_

_there's something_

_buried in the words_

_Give me a sign_

_Your tears are_

_adding to the flood_

He looked at all the failed attempts to write her the note, why had it taken so many tries? Why had it been difficult to say? Why?

_Forever - and ever_

_The scars will remain_

He suddenly regretted giving her that note.


	3. The Letter

_Dear Helga,_

_I guess this is an awkward note coming from me, especially during the week of graduation, but I have come to find that I just can't get you out of my head. I know it's a bit too little too late, but I wanted to tell you that I do care about you Helga. I know you don't think that I do, but I can promise you it's true._

_As I am sure you know, we haven't exactly been the best of friends; actually we've been pretty far from friends, but through our entire school career you were always there. It's kinda funny how a bully can influence you, and don't think you weren't a bully Helga, because you were; but I think without you, I wouldn't have learned just how hard life can be. My life may not be perfect but yours has always been worse than mine, you taught me to be grateful for what I have._

_Phoebe told me that you long ago that you've always loved me. When Phoebe told me that you loved me, I almost didn't believe her; why should I? You are dating Wolfgang and you've never been anything but obtrusively cruel to me; but as I thought about it, I guess I realized that you loving me would have explained a lot of things in the end._

_I don't know if I love you the way you love me, and I can't ask you to leave Wolfgang for me because I am not that kind of person; but I do care; I want you to know that I care, and I hope that somewhere in the future we're able to meet again. Maybe by then I will be able to tell you that I love you and know that I mean it. Happy Graduation Helga._

_Love,_

_Arnold_

_P.S. Don't get too mad at Phoebe for telling me your secret, I am happy that she told me._

Helga had read the letter about one hundred times and now she was reading it for the hundred and first time lying in bed with Wolfgang asleep beside her; the moon as her only light. His arm was over her waist and it made moving so that she could see just a little bit difficult but she managed; though it was a slow process not to have him wake up and ask her just what it was that she was reading.

The first time that she'd read it she'd cried; the first time she'd read it had been in the bathroom of the high school just after Wolfgang had come and found her. She'd gone back with him to his seat in the bleachers; after deciding that she could hear the rest of the principal's speech just as well from his seat as she could from her own, she'd excused herself and had gone to the bathroom.

She'd clenched the note from the moment that Arnold had given it to her all the way to the bathroom and didn't loosen her grip until she'd rushed into a stall, locked the door behind her and had sat down on the tank of the toilet, her feet resting on the seat.

Then she'd looked at the paper for the first time, it had been slightly crumpled when she'd gotten it, now as she read it in bed it was even more so as it had been shoved into her pocket for safe keeping. W she'd read it the first time, part of her had wanted to rush out there and just wrap her arms around him and never ever let him go, but she hadn't.

Now as she read it she felt another wave of tears choking their way up inside her and she hugged the note tight against her chest; closing her eyes against the tears and feeling some escape down her cheeks.

Maybe one day he would love her, but for today he didn't and for today she had to live. Moving slowly, she carefully folded the crinkled little paper and tucked it into the bottom drawer of her jewelry box; then she snuggled down into the covers that were on the bed, back into Wolfgang's arms and went to sleep.

She did love Arnold, she would always love him, but he wasn't what she needed right now, even if he was what she wanted.


	4. Helga

"Mommy!", Helga groaned as she grabbed two toaster pastries out of the toaster, happy that she'd set the damn contraption to temper the things instead of toast them because if she hadn't they would have burned her.

"I'm coming Abby!", she called, grabbing her purse and heading for the door where the three year old had been trained to stand until her mother was ready to leave. Blonde hair and blue eyes she looked just like her mother as she stood pointing at the cat clock that hung on the wall, its eyes and tail moving back and forth as the seconds ticked slowly on.

"Open.", Helga said with a smile as the girl opened her mouth and she popped the toaster pastry in for her to hold between her teeth and eventually to eat as she pulled on her coat, wrapped the little girl in a coat of her own and scooped her into her arms before heading out to the car. It was the girl's first day at preschool and they both were excited; after all it was a new day for the both of them.

She'd finally moved back to the city, same old Hillwood, living in an apartment much like her parents' as she waited for her six year marriage to Wolfgang to finally be over, she'd signed the papers and she had another month before she was finally free. A month that she would pass by taking care of the one and only light that she'd gotten from the failed marriage, her baby, Abigail.

Twenty eight and single with a three year old daughter, this was what her sister would have called a failure, but to Helga it couldn't have been more of an achievement as she wasn't really sure why she'd ever agreed to marry Wolfgang in the first place. The man wasn't abusive, but he just wasn't a good fit for her; in high school he'd barely been a match, now that she'd grown up, graduated high school and college to boot, she didn't need the only thing he offered her; protection. Oh yes, she still loved his family and she wouldn't deny him their daughter, but she didn't need him to feel safe anymore.

"Looky! Looky!", Helga was snapped out of her thoughts by Abigail's shrill squeal of excitement and pulled into the preschool's small parking lot. It was the same school that she'd gone to, a little more run down but none the less still standing; getting out of the car, she walked around and got Abby out of her booster seat, telling her to wait a moment while she positioned the booster seat so that the car door would close. Abby was jumping and antsy when her mother finally finished.

"Alright, race ya!", at those words the girl bounded off and Helga gave chase, letting the girl beat her to the door as she always did, "Awww you beat me again~ Are you sure you're not cheating?" The little girl laughed and beamed up at her.

"No, Mommy, I'm not cheating!", the girl giggled.

"Alright, well you won, you go in first", she said with a smile before reaching and opening the door, watching her walk in before following her. Unlike a lot of the children at the center, Abby had no problem leaving her mother for them, she was independent, much like Helga had been at her age; so it didn't surprise Helga one bit when the blond pigtailed little girl gave her a hug goodbye and bobbed off to play with some of the other children.

"Helga?!", the blond jumped at the sound of her name and turned to see none other than Sheena, looking the same as she always did, a bit older like herself but still the same, "Oh my gosh! It _is_ you!! Hi!", Helga smiled gently.

"Hi."

"You dropping a kid off?", the brunette asked curiously, looking around.

"Yeah, my daughter, we just moved back into town, though it doesn't seem like she's missing me too much", Helga giggled a little at her own joke and Sheena smiled upon spotting the little girl.

"Oh she's beautiful, Helga! Have you seen anyone else since you came back?"

"Not really, have I missed much?", she was almost afraid to ask what she didn't know about; she'd gotten the letter in the mail telling her and Wolfgang to come to Phoebe and Gerald's wedding, back when they'd been happy together but nothing much more.

"Did you know that Patty married Gerald? Phoebe and Gerald are expecting their second child; Rhonda is a fashion model in New York, she shows up in fashion magazines every now and again. And of course then there's Arnold-", Helga felt herself stiffen slightly, it was a reflex, ingrained after years of secretly loving him; as it turned out, it was a reflex she hadn't gotten rid of.

"How's he doing?", she asked, trying to sound curious; Sheena smiled.

"He married Lila but we kinda lost touch, I am not sure where he's at", Helga smiled.

"Well I better be going, I have a few errands to run, pick her up at two right?", the brunette nodded though by the look on her face she was confused by the blonde's sudden need to leave. Bidding the old acquaintance adieu, Helga was happy to get out of there, she walked back to her car and tried to shake away the strange stiffness that had occurred in her at the mention of her old crush's name.

Getting into the car she started it, putting on her seatbelt and taking a deep breath. 'Alright, Helga old girl, relax!', when her body seemed to obey, she pulled out of the parking lot; deciding to find something to do until Abby was in need of being picked up. She had meant to go to the shopping center and do a bit of grocery shopping when her eyes snagged on a coffee shop sign.

"Coffee! Perfect!", it was just what she needed, a nice hot pick-me-up; so she pulled into the driveway, put it in park and got out; grabbing her purse and heading inside. The shop was an inviting one, lightly orange walls met khaki-tan trimming met tiled black floors; black tables and chairs whose tops and cushions matched the colors of the walls and an off white ceiling. It somehow reminded her of a caramel mocha, at least the colors did. The hustle and bustle of the shop was a nice get-away from the runaway streets where no one stopped to talk.

"Can I get you anything?", still scanning the room around her, Helga stepped up to the counter.

"German White Chocolate Latte", she said lightly.

"That will be four thirty five", tearing her gaze from the shop scenery; the Pataki dug into her purse and fished out a five dollar bill as the person behind the counter hurried to make her drink.

"Here you go!", the cup was pushed to her and she moved to pay.

"Thank yo- Arnold?!", Helga stopped halfway through handing the man behind the counter the five spot and stood there staring for the longest moment of her life. He didn't seem to recognize her at first but she supposed that was what maturity and a child did to you; then a dawning appearance came over his face and he smiled slightly.

"Helga? Is that you?", she gave a sheepish smile and handed off the five, taking her drink and holding it.

"Small world", she said lightly, mentally making a note about the boy being right under Sheena's round little nose and vaguely wondering if she'd planned it that way. He looked enigmatically happy to see her, which made her wonder as well.

"I didn't know you lived in Hillwood", he said brightly; Helga tapped her cup with her index fingers.

"I just moved back actually."

"Is that so? How's Wolfgang?"

"Another month and we'll be officially divorced."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."

"Don't be, he and I were never a really good fit, I suppose I should have realized that before I married him.", the look on Arnold's face stated that he was trying to figure out why she didn't sound sad at the idea of splitting from her husband, perhaps he didn't realize that she didn't sound sad because she wasn't .

"Well I really can't talk right now but if you'd like-", he checked his watch, "I have a break coming up in about ten minutes…", a grin came onto Helga's face that she just couldn't deny and she nodded lightly before heading to a nearby table and sitting down.

Well, now she knew how she was going to spend her time before having to pick up Abby…


	5. Arnold

Arnold had gotten to work that morning far too early, being the owner of the little place this didn't cause him a problem but the reason that he'd gotten there so early was he'd not been able to sleep. He and Lila had long since been sleeping in separate rooms, and usually it didn't bother him anymore, but for some reason it had that morning. He wasn't really sure why, nothing was particularly different, at least not until about halfway through the morning rush of customers when a familiar looking blond had walked in.

She'd scanned the shop with a curious eye, taking in everything from the ceiling to the floor; she was about as old as he was with long blond hair that fell down her back and over her eyes lightly. He couldn't place where he'd seen her before but he was sure that he had.

"Can I get you anything?", he called as she came a little closer to the counter, she still hadn't torn her eyes away from the world around her.

"German White Chocolate Latte", she answered; he punched it in and recited the price before she finally took her eyes away from the shop décor and proceeded to dig into her purse. Arnold then moved to make the drink, he was deft at it, while this wasn't exactly the job he'd wanted and had only bought the small shop to appease Lila, he was good at what he did and had a relatively good base of customers. It took less than a minute to make the drink and very soon after the woman had pulled the money to pay for it out of her purse he was sliding the cup and holder across the counter to her.

It was then that she looked up and bright blue eyes met his and she jumped so high that she cleared the London Bridge.

"Arnold?!", hearing her voice, something clicked; now he was punching in for his break, juggling two specialty coffees as he managed to get out from around the corner before Nadine pushed her way through and took over, and said blonde was sitting at a table waiting for him.

He was surprised that he hadn't recognized Helga at first, she looked just the same, a little more adult and a little more worn down than he remembered her but weren't they all? Making his way across the room he smiled and set her coffee down in front of her, watching her grin up at him gently as he sat down across from her.

"So…", he said lightly, not really sure what to talk about; the woman took a sip of her drink.

"So what have you been up to?", she asked curiously, catching him off guard as she put the cup down; she had always been good to come up with conversation when no one else could, granted when they'd been little that conversation was usually in the form of insults or rude comments, but even so she'd always been good at it and he was grateful for it.

"Just running this place", he said lightly, "What about you? You said you'd just moved back to Hillwood?", Helga tapped her cup with the tips of her fingers; staring at it as though it were some old friend.

"Abby and I are just getting settled in", she said lightly, he tipped his head curiously, part of him wondering if 'Abby' was her cat. Obviously she saw the mix of confusion and curiosity on his face because she smiled and giggled a little, "Abby is my daughter"

Time seemed to slow down for a minute, Helga had a daughter?

"I bet she's beautiful", he said without really thinking, Helga smiled and nodded.

"She is." The way that the she glowed when talking about her daughter made Arnold smile, part of him was a little jealous, Lila had never wanted children, therefore they'd never had any. He couldn't lie to himself and say that he hadn't been hoping for a mistake somewhere along the way but even that hadn't been given to him. He lived his life day to day, going home at night and sleeping beside a woman whom part of him loved enough not to leave and knowing that even though he wasn't terribly unhappy, he wasn't really happy either.

Maybe Helga saw the tired sadness in his features that he'd accepted somewhere along the way as being normal because she gave him a slightly shy smile and patted his hand.

"Why don't you come over for dinner tonight? We're making Pizza...", he was sure that she didn't know how tempting that actually sounded, having dinner at home with someone for a change sounded like heaven after years of eating alone. Part of him knew that it was a bad idea and yet he still smiled and took her hand in his.

"What time do you want me over?", it took a moment for her to answer.

"How does six sound?"

"Perfect."

"Perfect.", then she got up, "I have to go, it was wonderful to see you again Arnold, I'll see you tonight, here's the address", she scribbled it down on his hand and he-without thinking-let her; watching as she hurried out the door as though she were late for something. He didn't mind, he was late for getting off of his break and thus turned his attention to getting back to work; and for the first time in a long time he felt lighter.


	6. Family Time

When Helga climbed into her car she was jittery, she got in and fought with the seatbelt for a moment before putting her coffee on the console of her car and turning her attention to the unruly safety precaution. It jerked and she felt her elbow make contact with something; turning just in time to see her coffee dump all over the back seat.

"Fuck!", she hit the steering wheel before deciding that it didn't matter; she would take care of it later. Starting the car she pulled out into traffic and made her way home. She supposed that Arnold hadn't noticed that she'd jumped when he'd taken her hand in his; he couldn't have known that her heart had skipped a beat after all these years, and that was why she'd left. He made her feel too much like the little girl that she'd stopped being long before she should have.

Pulling into the parking space provided for her apartment, she turned off the car and made her way inside, stopping when she was finally inside and leaning back against the door. Her mind flashed to the letter that he'd given her on the day of their high school graduation; it was still tucked away in her jewelry box. Never once had she taken it out to look at it; Wolfgang had found it once and they'd fought about it, she'd told him that she'd thrown it out but she'd just put it in the secret compartment under the main tray. It had stayed there and even after she'd filed for divorce from the father of her beautiful little girl, she'd never taken it out and looked at it.

But now, she paced into the bedroom, opened the lid to the little wooden box and lifted the tray; there it was, crinkled and old, the pencil faded and smudged but in good condition for being a decade old. It was soft as any cloth that she'd ever touched as she ran her fingertips over it and took it out. His handwriting was unmistakable as she sat on the bed and opened the letter. For the first time since the night she'd tucked it away, she read it; feeling a lump rise in her throat. There were no more tears at her age, she'd used them all up with her patience for crying.

--

Six-o-clock rolled around and Helga was rushing around her apartment in almost nervous anticipation, gaining look after look from Abby who was trying to figure out why her mother was so flustered. She'd gotten in the shower, but then had gotten out, worried that Arnold would show up early and she would have to keep him waiting at the door. Instead she'd washed her hair in the sink, deciding that she wasn't too dirty as she'd taken a shower just the night before. A spritz of perfume had been applied before she'd styled her hair and she was finally getting out the boxes of pizza crust mix, milk and other ingredients when the doorbell rang.

"Mommy!", she heard Abby call from the kitchen table where she was coloring at the sound of the doorbell and she had to put everything she was holding down.

"I heard it Abigail, it's time to clean up your toys", the little girl gave something of a whine, "I mean it Abby, if you're not cleaning when I get back from answering the door, I'm taking them away." There was silence for a moment before she heard the chair push back from the table and the crayons hit the bottom of the bucket that they were stored in.

Laughing at the typical response from her daughter, Helga opened the door and almost laughed when she saw Arnold standing there looking nervous. He looked comfortable, wearing a nice shirt and a comfortable pair of jeans; he looked back at her just as she got the door fully open and she instinctively grinned. He held out a small boquet.

"I don't know if this is too forward but I saw them on the way over and I figured since you were providing the dinner, I could provide the centerpiece." The ex Pataki gave a pleasant giggle and accepted the flowers, motioning for the football head to come in and then headed back up the hall to the kitchen where Abby was just finishing packing up her coloring stuff before heading to the cupboard to put them away. She eyed Arnold as though he were some strange alien come in to their house that her mother hadn't noticed until Helga had put the flowers in a vase and finished getting out the ingredients for the pizza.

"Who wants to make pizza?", She said brightly.

"I do!", Abby squealed, finally looking away from Arnold and turning her attention to her mother; the woman smiled lightly.

"Did you wash you hands?", the little girl quickly nodded and Helga knelt, "well then let me see them…", Abby hurried forward and showed her hands. It was easy to tell that she hadn't washed them as they were covered in crayon flecks and marker. "Now you're positive you washed these?", she arched an eyebrow and the little girl nodded again. Giving a grin, Helga gave an appeasing look to the little girl and moved to get up. "Well just for safe measure, go wash them again.", the little girl pouted but obviously knew better than to go against her mother and bobbed off to wash her hands, leaving her mother to start opening packages.

--

Arnold watched her for a moment, watched the exchange; smiling at just how good of a mother that Helga really was. He supposed that it was because her parents had shown her all the things not to do with a child. Helga's parents hadn't cared much for her, not that they didn't love her, but they really didn't show it until she was gone. Wolfgang was in that child, but he really couldn't see it; she didn't look like him as much as she looked like her mother.

"She's beautiful", Arnold watched Helga jump at the sound of his voice, halfway through opening a package of pizza dough mix.

"Oh, yes, thank you…", she gave him a thankful look as her composure returned just in time for Abby to appear out of nowhere, drying her freshly washed hands on the dress she was wearing and walking to stand beside her mother. She looked up at her expectantly and Arnold moved to get a chair for the girl to stand on as Helga dumped the mix in a glass bowl with the other ingredients needed and started mixing.

It was then that he felt like an outsider as he watched them, Abby looking up at him curiously as he put the chair down for her to get onto; in the end she did but not without careful, three year old deliberation. He didn't belong here, but he wanted to desperately. He wanted to be a part of this, part of a family; with children and a wife and love that wasn't questionable; a family that was more than just two and wasn't stuck together with guilt.

"Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to help us make pizza?", Helga's voice snapped Arnold from his thoughts and he gave her a light smile before jumping in, doing the respective jobs that he was given and enjoying them to the fullest. The evening passed in a blur of smiles and family time that he hadn't had since his grandparents had died and before he knew it he was sitting on the couch with Helga leaning against him, Abby asleep with her head in her mother's lap.

"Thank you for coming over…", Arnold smiled, knowing that she couldn't see it as her head was resting at his neck.

"Thank you for having me, this is honestly the best time I have had in a very long time."

--

Helga gave a laugh at the foot ball head's response.

"Me too", she said lightly, "Ever since Wolfgang and I split, I've been so busy just trying to work, get through this divorce and just plain survive that I haven't had time for things like this.", she felt Arnold nod and continued, "With her starting preschool, I am hoping that that will give me the time I need to do my work before she gets home so that we can do things like this more often." She felt her heart skip a beat, knowing how it had sounded and not wanting to fix it.

"Helga…? I won't lie...I did miss you after graduation, when I'd heard that you'd married Wolfgang-even though I was married to Lila by then-it bothered me…", what was he saying? Helga's mind snapped to two things, the first being the note that she'd kept in her jewelry box all these years and the other being that her three year old daughter was asleep beside them. "When I saw you this morning, I was so happy and surprised to see you, I suppose I didn't take it well", Helga grinned.

"Arnold, do you remember the note that you gave me on graduation?", the sudden change of subject seemed to surprise the man and he pulled back to look at her for a long moment before nodding.

"Of course I do…", he said before giving a laugh, "how could I forget? It took me about a thousand tries to write it", Helga was surprised and amused at the same time.

"Really?", he gave an embarrassed look and laughed again.

"Yeah", the Pataki gave something of an amused grin and gently eased Abby into her lap so that she could lift her into her arms without waking her.

"I still have it, let me put Abby to bed and I will show you…", standing, she left him there on the couch and headed to put her daughter to bed. She didn't see the point in changing the girl as she wasn't in anything particularly able to hurt her and it would have just woke her up; so she laid her down, tucked her in and gave her a kiss before leaving the room.

Arnold was just where she'd left him when she came back to the living room and motioned for him to follow her to her bedroom where she picked up her jewelry box, sat on the bed and dug out the note before putting the box away.

--

Something inside Arnold snapped into place when he saw the note again, he hadn't really expected her to keep it, just to read it and throw it away, but the fact that she had showed just how much he really meant to her. She unfolded it, looking it over as though it were something cherished before handing it off for him to look at. It was old, crinkled paper that he couldn't recall being so crinkled when he gave it to her still held the faint smudges of graphite that formed his handwriting. He could remember all of the feelings that he'd gone through while writing it and its failed predecessors; he'd agonized over every word and to know that it hadn't gone unappreciated touched something inside him.

"Helga, this is amazing…", he said softly, looking back at her to see a softly weathered look in her eyes; she didn't look old-older than the 18 year old girl that had left him, yes, but hardly old-more she looked tired.

She smiled at him, just like she'd smiled at Wolfgang back in high school, and he could remember himself wanting her to look at him like that, but to tell her back then wouldn't have been fair. Because he couldn't have looked at her then and know that he'd loved her, even now he wasn't positive; but she wasn't the frail little girl she had been then. No, now she was a strong young woman who had a lovely daughter and the life that he had spent years wishing for so desperately. He envied her a little.

"Arnold, when you gave me that note on graduation, I took it to the bathroom and cried while reading it. I couldn't throw it away, I still can't; probably because some childish part of me was always hoping that you would show up and take me away like the knight in shining armor that my mind made you into when I was a little girl." Reaching she took the note and folded it back up, putting it away again and turning to smile at him, "I really am very happy that you came over tonight…"

He smiled back at her before leaning and kissing her gently, knowing that it was wrong but finding that the need for this, the need and want for something more than the farce of a life he was living drowned out any of that nine year old optimistic guilt. They weren't nine anymore, they weren't even 18 anymore; optimism was a difficult thing in an adult world.

"I am really glad I came over tonight too", he said softly, pulling back.

--

Helga had half a mind to ask him to spend the night, but she knew better; there was a three year old that she had to get up and get ready for preschool in the morning that she really didn't want to have to explain the dynamics of an adult world to. It had been too harsh for her when she was that age and she'd had to go through it; she wasn't going to have her baby go through it too. Abby still asked her when 'daddy' was coming home for crissake.

So, she pulled back and took his arm, gently leading him to the door while telling him how much she'd enjoyed his company tonight. And when they reached the door and the evening was finally ending, she leaned up and kissed him back, feeling like that little girl who had once shot spit balls and mooned over him in secret for the first time in a long time.

"Good night Arnold", she said softly, only half hearing the reply she got as he opened the door and stepped through it. And then it was over, she bid him goodbye, received one in return, told him to call her before realizing that she had yet to give him her number, gave him her number and closed the door behind him.

Closing her eyes briefly, she headed into her room, changed into her nightgown and then went into the bathroom to brush her teeth. Finally she crawled into bed, feeling unsettled somehow; she had kissed Arnold. The child inside her who still loved him was giddy, but the adult that she was couldn't put to rest the fact that she knew he was married; wasn't this wrong?

After a moment or two, she got the note back out, smiled at its sentimentality and tucked it under her pillow. Moments later, she was asleep.


End file.
